See Jane Masturbate; cum Jane, cum.
July 2nd, BET aired another superb Mara Brock Akil creation, Being Mary Jane. The original made for television movie features Gabrielle Union as protagonist Mary Jane. The raw illustration of a Black woman navigating singlehood caught my eye, most, when in her office, Mary Jane uses her vibrator to self-pleasure. Upon seeing this carnal act, something inside of me smiled. It is not often that Black women are the sexual action rather than the reaction. Historically, woman especially those of color are objectified sexually for the satisfaction of men. Yes, there are images of women like Josephine Baker and Nicki Minaj who seem to have total control of their sexuality, using the racist notion of Black hyper sexuality to entice mainstream audiences to open their wallets. However, consumption is consumption. However, now, Mary Jane comes along and masturbates on our television screens. It is a bold socio-political move. I am sure masturbating is no secret among Black women in their social circles, but to be broadcast on national television ups the ante. Mary Jane was not just being pleasured for man; there was no male gaze upon her nor did she use a penis for pleasure. Patriarchal societies have this debilitating notion (for sexual minorities) that there is no pleasure without that of the male penis or heterosexual male approval. As a gay Black man, I often get the question how do two men get pleasure from one another. This question only exist, because ‘gay’ is not heterosexual-male approved.
Anecdote ahead.
Likewise, I was at a “coffee table talk” where the host thought it would be productive to have Lesbian-omics: a lesson in being a Black Lesbian for gay Black men. Side note: its disgraceful and disparaging how we expect the minority and the oppressed to educate the dominant culture. Do your research and learn on your own. I was disgusted at how they asked one Black lesbian to speak for a whole community, essentially putting her on the auction block to prod and poke at her sexuality. These gay men asked, “How do you get pleasure without a penis?” This question only exists because we, as a society, believe in the myth that there is no pleasure without the penis.
Reveling in the pleasure that was Mary Jane’s masturbation, I decided to have a discussion with two of my good girl friends I met at Hampton University during undergrad, Shawnon Corprew (writer for Lambda Gazette) and Rochelle Sample (filmmaker).
Noose: Hello, is everyone here?
Shawnon Corprew: I’m here.
Noose: I've probably mentioned the story to both of you before. I was at a coffee table discussion and the topic for the week was Lesbian-omics
SC: Oh yeah, I remember that.
Noose: I was appalled when all these gay Black men were asking the lesbian (that I guess was speaking for all) “how do you all get off without a penis?” I thought it was as ignorant as the "how do two guys have sex? Its two penises." Shawnon as a lesbian have you had to deal with this before?
SC: I haven't had any gay guys ask about my sex life. It's mostly straight men.
Noose: How do you address those men?
SC: It's interesting, when I became curious, I had these misconceptions about lesbian women...the whole stud/femme norm and such and I wondered why a lot of girls went for masculine women instead of just a man. Ignorant I know. Since then I have seen the light.
Noose: So is the penis needed?
SC: You mean the real thing or a dildo...or both?
RS: Well I definitely have had that thought myself about if u get a masculine woman why not just get a man, we live in a world that operates off of stereotypes.
Is the penis needed that is a loaded question.
Noose: Yes, the actual penis.
SC: Not at all.
RS:When it comes to sex with women, people think nothing is as adequate as the penis, which is totally incorrect. A lot of times these thoughts are expressed by lesbian themselves, well the new ones. However, most of the time sex is not about penetration; it is not about a penis and some balls.
Noose: So not using a penis is frowned upon initially, in your experience with lesbian women of color? Is that because we are use to sex as a ploy of male domination? If such and such is not being acted upon by a man, than that sexual experience holds no value? It is like your climax is not shit if its not produced by a man.
SC: The thing is they believe we have to share the same sexual benefits as heterosexual couples when in fact I cum just like Susie Homemaker. However, a man did not make me cum so my orgasm is not legit.
RS: There is also another end of the spectrum. I have friends that say their partners get upset if they ask for penetration by dildo. The partner feels as though their lover is really requesting a man. We’ve started to see penetration as this uniquely male exercise, but it is not the case. As Lesbian woman we have to move away from this notion that equates dildo to man. But, going back to your point about male domination. I definitely think it has something to do with the way we view sex.
SC: There are fingers and other forms of pleasure. For me personally, I like the variety. Everyone is not the same though.
RS: A lot of sexual acts are equated with gender. For the longest time, men eating pussy was taboo. Men would not admit it. Eating vagina involves a man either getting on his knees or lowering his body position in relation to the woman. That represents submission.
Noose: Not only gender, but sexual identity. In high school, if a dude talked about penetrating a girl in the butt, people would call him gay. If I talk to people my age now, heterosexual men and women are really doing it. Hell, I know straight guys that have gotten their buttholes licked.
RS: Oh, yes, talk about it.
SC: True.
RS: These sexual practices that homosexuals have been practicing for some time now only become sexually acceptable when heterosexual men deem it. We can look to religion to see why we believe the penis is the holy grail of sex and why heterosexual male-approval is deemed necessary.
Noose: Tell me about it.
RS: I grew up listening to plenty of sermons about men being the sower and women the reaped.
SC: Ugh, patriarchy.
RS: Listen to what they are telling us: because the penis goes in my hole that makes me the lesser.
Noose: You have now become a product of his penetration instead of a partner.
RS: Religion gives praise to the penis at the expense of objectifying the female body.
Noose: So religion demotes you to a reaction. As writers, we all know we are praised when characters create action rather than having action done to them i.e. passive voice vs. active voice.
RS: But my vagina has a voice too.
Noose: That statement just blew my mind.
RS: The whole Old Testament centers around a narrative that the vagina is evil. All humanity got screwed cause of Eve and her vagina, poor Adam and his good ole penis. Ever since Eve messed up things for humanity women have had to pay the price by being dominated by the penis. There a number of other stories like Samson and Dahlia where the woman is the downfall of a man.
SC: Why is it that when the woman is doing the action she is looked down upon?
RS: Because, we are the "reaped.” we are the wombs just waiting for the glorious Mandingo to bless us by choosing us to bare his seed. I also think of the scripture “he who findeth a good woman” what if I want to do the finding?
Noose: So, how was masturbation presented to you two as young Black women?
SC: Never had that talk with the parents. Female masturbation seems taboo.
RS: Masturbation, I feel is extremely taboo when it comes to women. It's always like “oh that is a phase boys go through.” It comes off as though we as Black women should not know our bodies.
SC: Yes, Rochelle. What if I want to be by my damn self? Interestingly enough, I did not start masturbating until after my first college relationship. I do not hear about many black women, openly, talking about masturbation.
RS: Even in 2013, the black woman is still sexual oppressed. I do not believe that we have been given the chance to fully explore our own womanhood, because we are still living in the dark shadows of the penis. For black straight women that is problematic, but for the Black lesbian that means that their love does not exist at all.
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